In our line of work, it’s normal to be communicating across teams consistently. Our work is mostly collaborative, involves a lot of inter-personal interaction and relies on getting the best out of each other. Therefore, it’s also easy to dismiss the need to set aside a specific time with those that work with you directly, to pause and reflect on how it’s all going.
A one-on-one is a dedicated space on the calendar and in your mental map for open-ended and anticipated conversation between a manager and those who report to them. Unlike status reports or tactical meetings, this is an opportunity for coaching, mentorship, giving context, or even venting. The one-on-one goes beyond an open door policy and dedicates time for teammates and leaders to connect and communicate.
In an ideal world, you and your colleague would collaborate on an agenda ahead of time. A more realistic goal may be to jot down a list of bullet points that you’d like to discuss. Ask your direct report to do the same. Once you’re face-to-face, we recommend comparing lists and doing some loose time-boxing to make sure you have time to cover the most pressing points.
You need to set expectations around what’s most important and create an incentive to focus. If the conversation diverges, as manager, it’s your responsibility to get it back on track. That said, it’s also important to be flexible. In other words, you need some structure but not too much. These meetings are best when you and your colleague are in co-creation mode. Decide together what you’ll reasonably accomplish in the time allotted. Are there items that can be tabled for another time?
Remember, this is not a status check-up or performance evaluation - it’s dedicated time where you as the manager is available to hear what your colleagues are excited or frustrated about, what’s blocking their potential or scaring them and also what’s going well or could use improvement. A north star to aim for is to be the kind of leader whose team actively seeks them out for one on ones.
We encourage formal one-on-ones to be predictably scheduled as a recurring calendar event, preferably at least once a month. The meeting can be moved if another event is happening at the same time, or if the team member feels like they need more time in a given week. The important thing is that both of you make it a priority to find time for the meeting.
There’s no single way to organize a one-on-one. In fact, many factors dictate the best way to structure your meetings for success; including the emotional needs of those you manage, your relationship, and the team member’s experience level.
The most important element in a successful one-on-one is creating a space where individuals feel comfortable to discuss the issues and concerns on their mind. As a manager, please remember that these meetings are primarily for your colleague and so their participation is vital.
One-on-ones should be a mix of present problems/resolutions and future goals/plans. We suggest covering: positive and negative work events, quality of feedback, and if you’re comfortable, feel free to talk about facets of life outside work too. Talk about what’s working well and why it’s particularly effective. Ask what you can be doing better, and where the team can improve. Use these meetings to give advice on how your manager can make a greater positive impact to your life. Also, use this time to follow up on previous meetings and let each other know how it’s going.
Managers should be active listeners through the meeting. Ask follow up questions, dig deeper, and restate complicated ideas to make sure there’s a shared understanding. This is an invaluable time to learn, and you’ll earn more trust by listening, than by talking.
It’s useful to take notes during the meeting, so that you can see how the conversations have evolved. Or if they have not. It’s also useful to take notes during the week - if you notice something that you’d like to talk about - it will ensure the quality of your conversations are richer, and we keep exploring new ways to work with each other.
For managers, if your team member is having a problem with a coworker, make sure to ask before you intervene. In some cases, intervention will make the complainant’s work situation worse. Always defer to their needs and aim for their goal for resolution.
When you do act, remember to follow up and talk about the resolution. This gives you a chance to show that you take their problems seriously and also opens the opportunity to talk about the potential causes of the problem, and how to avoid them in the future or improve the way they handle them.